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Pages: Serious question for both Doms and subs. [1]
Author Topic: Serious question for both Doms and subs.
groat

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2011-02-08 14-48-47

Serious question for both Doms and subs. Dominants, do you feel that your role demands that you somehow fight against exposing your own human frailties to your submissive? Have you ever felt the need to keep your vulnerable side hidden from her? Have you found it very difficult, in times of conflict within your D/s relationship, to say "But I need you. Please don't go"? And for those who have suppressed the urge to let your true feelings show...Have you found that any indifference that you felt you *should* show had the opposite effect of what you wanted? Has any deliberate coolness you've displayed to your submissive ended up training her, albeit unintentionally, to deal with being without your emotional support? Ultimately making it easier for her to live without you? And to the submissives... Has a Dominant ever done this to you? Been so aloof and seemingly uncaring that it became, surprisingly, easier for you to cut your emotional ties to him and walk away? If this question is too much of a downer, please feel free to ignore it. But this is something that I've been pondering for a while now. :) Also, gender-specific terms when referring to Dom and sub were only used in order to make the question easier to write.
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salsbery

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2011-02-09 4-28-51-

I don't mind seeing the softer side of my Dom. I just hate tears.
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joaquim

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2011-02-09 15-48-00

The Submissive's Prayer I need to feel safe. Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my walls and give You control of my will may take time and testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after I've given myself to You fully, I need to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I will remain safe in Your care.I need to know You accept me for all I am. I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and Your submissive but also accept me as parent, , employee, community member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.
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benscoter

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2011-02-10 0-34-09-

III I need to learn and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.I need goals. Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction I quickly become lost so I'll look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.I need to be corrected. I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I've made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You've set for me.
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warde

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2011-02-10 9-33-14-

final I don't expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I've reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don't deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I've achieved a goal You've set.I need to share with You. Sharing with You is a compelling need and of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings but those are the things I need to share the most. I'll depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust. I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership. No matter how well I've done or how miserably I've failed, I need to know I'm still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in return. I can't survive without it.
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wernecke

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2011-02-10 22-31-50

Wow, lady... Your words were so eloquent that they should have been a top-post instead of a reply to my clunky question. Thank you so much for your beautiful post. (((hugs)))
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Charene

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2011-02-10 22-46-57

oh! but I didn't write that!!! I'm so sorry!!!!! That is from online. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE forgive me.
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  • cadigan

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    2011-02-11 12-27-26

    Not sure, but I think I got that from Submissive Loving. They also have a Master's Prayer www.submissiveloving.com/mastersprayer.html
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    sysanina

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    2011-02-11 20-20-21

    It's still great, though. And you are the who brought it here! No forgiveness necessary. :)
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    pumphrey

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    2011-02-11 22-03-38

    Your question made me think of it because of the part in the final that says "I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust."
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  • raisanen

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    2011-02-12 13-47-00

    Exactly! It's the actual sharing of fears, failures and struggles that should make our relationship stronger. This rare thing we have is not sided. Despite what our titles may suggest. We are both human. I, the submissive, am not the only with weaknesses. And I know that going in. So if "He" tries to cover his own while always wanting me to expose mine? Things somehow begin to get an unnatural feel to me. Like your quote (basiy) said, trust is the cement that binds us. And trust always has to be a two-way street.
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    bergendahl

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    2011-02-12 20-39-45

    wow... this is so poignant... thank you so much for sharing a part of you...
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    grandchamp

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    2011-02-12 21-44-37

    Very nice tb.... a good reminder for Dominants. Just because a Dominant may face trials and tribulations in their life, doesn't mean that they are not capable of remaining protective of their submissives. Being human, instead of some faux "super Dom" persona, doesn't necessarily mean that is a weak man in my opinion.
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  • deeb

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    2011-02-16 7-06-24-

    I understand. so if you felt disgusted by seeing your Dom cry, I take it that would mean you felt less of him and would then reject him as your Dom?
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    stayner

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    2011-03-24 21-18-58

    I don't know... since I haven't been in that sitation with him yet. The last man I saw crying... ugh, I just got so pissed off and sick of him. His blubbering and crying "I love you's" blah blah blah....
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  • demsky

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    2011-07-23 4-59-31-

    ahh. that's different than what I had in my mind that's perhaps a bit of weak character and insecurity presenting itself. I was thinking more of anguish, grief, fear, uncertainty about their life or situation somehow that might cause that. Different frame of reference. Your example I can understand where that would be a turn off and cause some doubt as to his general demeanor and capacity for Dominance.
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  • stenger

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    2011-11-17 14-47-07

    i once told a Dom after he explained to me that he wasn't "perfect" and he would make mistakes, that it gave me comfort...because then i knew he would understand when i wasn't always "perfect", too.
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