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Pages: Have you ever been in this situation? [1]
Author Topic: Have you ever been in this situation?

Posts: 5

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2011-02-08 19-00-22

Have you ever been in this situation? Last night, my boyfriend and I were playing, and he had my hands tied over my head. He was sucking on my right nipple, and did this for about 15 minutes straight. It seemed like he was really enjoying it, but in all honesty, if you keep doing the EXACT same thing like that for THAT long, I get a little bit bored and want something else. I felt so bad for wanting it, though, so I didn't tell him, but after about 5 minutes or so I was bored and just wasn't really enjoying it anymore. He's the kind of guy who gets really upset if I tell him he's doing something wrong, or I don't like what he's doing, because he feels bad about having done it. And I don't want to start a fight or anything, especially in the middle of that. But I was really bored! And then a little later, when he'd moved on, he had bondage tape wrapped around my hands so tightly it was almost hurting. Of course, I *had* to say something then, and he seemed annoyed, but of course took care of it. He loosened it a little, but it still wasn't enough, so I had to keep telling him to loosen it more, and he kept getting more annoyed with it. Finally he rewrapped them and although I still wasn't comfortable, it wasn't severely hurting me, so I kept my mouth shut. I feel like I need to keep my mouth shut because I'm supposed to be submitting to him during these times, not annoying him. I should be trusting him to know what he's doing. But the problem is, he DOESN'T - but if I tell him (even gently), he gets upset. I don't know what to do! Help, anyone?
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2011-02-09 16-11-25

Generally, what I do when it's omething like sucking on the nipple--I'll tell him after the scene, because my master and I generally have a cool-down session where we talk about what we liked and what we didn't. When it's something like the bondage tape being too tight, I tell him ASAP--that's a safety issue. Often he'll retaliate with something like "You think I care?" smack me around, then loosen it, but still saying in-scene.
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2011-02-10 9-12-27-

Yeah but even after we're finished He'll get upset and think the whole night was a waste, thinking he did NOTHING right. We don't do anything where we tell each other what we liked or didn't - I wish I comfortably could.
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    2011-02-11 0-30-50-

    It sounds like he's really self-conscious about his skill and domming ability.
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    2011-02-11 14-48-55

    Not trying to be mean here, but is it just me or does this guy sound like a bitch in hiding? Boo fucking hoo he gets upset, it's ed interaction and he needs to understand that. God, the way you describe him he should be wearing panties and a bra.
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    2011-02-12 2-26-24-

    Not trying to be mean? Then why do so? There's no need for insulting my boyfriend. I'm working on that part of him, and I'm not asking what you think he needs to be wearing or what your opinion is of him. If you don't have something helpful to contribute, I'd rather you not say anything at all - especially if it's insulting him.
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    Posts: 7

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    2011-02-12 9-56-53-

    Do you guys do Red/Yellow/Green? Where red means "Hey, I'm getting really close to safewording," yellow means "Okay, getting there, slow down" and green means "Good to go!" He needs to understand that he shouldn't hold back, but that this stuff involves safety and pain, and he has to be able to rein back and react to your needs without getting upset. If he can't do that, he shouldn't be domming in that way, I'm afraid. Besides, people's tolerances vary. The week of my period, my nipples and breasts are SO painful--and ordinarily I love and adore him grabbing and pawing and scratching and pinching my breasts to hell and back, but the week of my period, it hurts infinitely more. It took a HELL of a lot of trial-and-error on his part to realize this--he would keep grabbing and doing what he usually does, and I would have to literally slap his hands away and go "Seriously, dammit, I'm not playing, not that fucking hard!"
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    Posts: 27

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    2011-02-13 20-51-47

    Yeah...been there No, we don't really use the red yellow green thing...he will usually listen to me without a code word, I'll just have to say "hey, slow down" or "be gentle". But then we run into the problem of him not slowing down enough, or not being gentle enough, and I keep having to say it over and over, and then I get frustrated because it seems like he's not listening, and he gets frustrated because he thinks he IS doing what I'm asking.
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    2011-03-17 0-49-41-

    I'd agree with that. He needs to mature some both with himself and his domming skills. Part of being a good Dom is caring about your sub. You're not being a bad g/f or sub. You have to take care of yourself as well! But he should recognize his responsbilities and that they are not wastes of time but learning opportunities. I personally have learned more about being a Domme from the boy than I have all the FemDom's I know and talk to.
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  • mulry

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    2011-07-07 22-24-45

    So how do I get him to do that? I've tried showing him things online, as far as tips or scenarios to look at and read, things that I think are good points, so that he doesn't have to feel bad - but it's like he doesn't remember any of it from time to the next. How do I get him to take it as a learning experience and not as a criticism and that I hate him or something?
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  • s t

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    2011-09-15 17-35-05

    Unfortunately, that's something you can't do That's something that's in his brain and how he takes criticism. Have you asked why he gets defensive? Is he worried he's hurting you too much?
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    2012-03-26 2-02-55-

    I'm fairly sure that's part of it And he gets defensive because he really is trying - and it's great that he is - and he feels like I'm telling him he's a loser who can't do anything right, even though I've never said it. do I put this delicately...he was teased a lot in elementary school, by a bunch of jerky , and after that he sort of became rather antisocial. He doesn't really have any friends and hasn't had a lot of social interaction besides school since he was around x (x now). I know it sounds stupid to someone else - "Just get over it already!" - but it's the truth. So I guess he doesn't really know how to process certain things, and criticism is justhot button for him.
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  • elva

    Posts: 35

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    2012-12-30 5-35-53-

    No, I understand. Have you tried just sitting down and having a long talk about it? Say you really love him, you love him as a dom and it feels so good, but "I'm so new at this that sometimes I need a little bit of softer limits..." Turn it into something about you, take the focus off him. That would probably help.
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    2013-11-01 20-14-15

    That's an idea I could try that. I DO enjoy it rough though, sometimes. I've told him that...and I think he's gotten confused and assumes I mean all the time, right off the bat, no warm ups or anything.
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    Sr. Member
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    2014-06-20 6-42-27-

    after reading all of this ginny I'd like to add this. May be he just hasn't got what it takes to be your Dom. If he tries, and can't seem to "get it right" then ...may be it's just not him it's kinda like asking a girl to enjoy anal when she doesn't.. I believe Doms/subs are born and can not be made You can teach someone to do "Dom like" things, but there is a certain amount of instinct that goes along with being Dom I truly feel for you Ginny, as I know you're trying to make things better. and it's not easy to do when your partner is on different sheet of music i am not saying this is case with you, but just something to think about
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    2015-08-07 15-16-53

    Yeah...thanks TC Your responses are always so insightful :)
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    Posts: 41

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    2015-10-14 22-09-42

    smiles i am happy you think so many many go throught this dear it is not an easy road, but ultimately your happiness and satification is what counts remember that
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  • mcwilliam

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    2016-01-26 12-13-32

    Excellant responses TC!!!
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