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Pages: So now another question entirely [1]
Author Topic: So now another question entirely

Sr. Member
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2011-03-24 8-05-24-

So now another question entirely I mentioned the other day that after much discussion that my wife had sstarted to warm to the idea of anal play (for her), and that continues to proceed at a nice, slow pace to make sure she is secure and comfortable. All of the advice was amazing and a big help! Now she is interested in experimenting with light bondage in a sensual way....I am all for it with one small worry. She was sexually abused as a little girl, and part of this abuse was her being tied up and forced into the situations by people she trusted. If I move down this path with her will it contribute to further issues for her, or if I approach it in a trusting, gentle manner do you think it will help her over all to erase some of the worse images from when she was growing up and help her imprint newer, more positive images where sensual bondage is concerned? She has been through a lot and I just do not want to contribute any further pain for her in her life. Any thoughts would be welcome.
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Posts: 25

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2011-04-11 16-59-48

I personally would start by telling her exactly your shared thoughts here...and judge by her reaction...this is a slippery slope....
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2011-04-20 21-51-53

If she is interested, it doesn't seem like she has issues with it. Just be prepared to deal with what emotions it might stir up.
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Posts: 15

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2011-09-10 5-27-29-

I've heard of women who have been abused in their past embracing safe forms of that abuse - think rape play with an understanding partner or bondage with one. I think the important thing here would be to go slowly, at her pace even. I would definitely recommend a safeword during this type of play as well. Have you voiced your concerns to her?
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  • niswander

    Posts: 8

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    2011-09-21 0-01-15-

    History of abuse You need to be careful, to be sure. However a history of sexual trauma does not necessarily preclude playing like that. I know exactly what my triggers are (pillow over face), so for me, pretty easy to navigate that. Using kink as therapy can work, but it can also aggravate. Has your wife had any sort of therapy after the abuse? How did that go? Is she pretty self aware of her triggers and healing process? I would let her lead you down this path, if she chooses it. You could start with some bondage outside the bedroom. Just sit with her hands bound with no other context. See how she reacts. Or a blindfold. The term baby steps is going to apply to the Nth degree here.
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    Posts: 20

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    2012-04-01 8-29-57-

    that is a touchy area but not an impossible one. I had a horrific experience as a young adult and the first Dom I ever played with - outside of scening with aquaintances - helped me through some serious damage by doing some of the things that had been done to me. He went slowly and made sure I was okay every step of the way. I was embarrassed every time I had to safeword out of it but after a number of mpts we got me past the traumatic memories and made new and wonderful memories. It can be done but you will have to watch her closely to make sure she is not uncomfortable and scared of where it is going.
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    Posts: 30

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    2012-10-03 23-58-08

    this is a very good response to that and an excellent example of what can be achieved through communication and guided play. He must've been quite gifted, that Dom of yours.
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  • kirschbaum

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    2013-03-30 10-13-40

    he was pretty damn amazing I was very young and he was considerably older than I was (not that that is important but just a fact) and he was extremely patient. He never tried to push anything I wasn't ready for - in specific areas. In other areas we played freely but in the few ways I was 'blocked' he was more than patient. I have been thinking about how if it had been damage done way earlier (like in the case of the OP) and I had sat on it for years how it might be much more difficult to have it all resurface... Thought provoking thread...
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  • stoller

    Posts: 66

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    2014-01-16 20-58-54

    GFY. And no, this time I didn't mean 'go fuck yourself'. Good subject for sure.
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  • herlihy

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    2015-02-23 4-54-47-

    another way to start slow is to lay the ropes over her wrist...but do not tie them.
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    Posts: 51

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    2015-08-14 17-39-03

    Talk to her express your concerns and find out how she wants to proceed. Go at her pace and do things the way she envisions them. It could help her work through the past but at the same time it could bring forth buried feelings from the past. So make sure she has a safe word. Be prepared to get her out almost instantly, I'm talking safety scizors and what not so you can get her free very very quickly in case she get emotional about it. Be prepared to spend a lot of time in after care and talk a lot about the scene. But if she WANTS to do it then go for it but let her decide how to proceed.
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    Full Member
    Posts: 37

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    2016-01-18 6-46-13-

    I have talked with her and she has addressed it with her therapist as well. I think the idea the therapist has brought to her is to experience it with someone who is trustworthy and will not hurt that way to imprint more positive experiences on her psyche? Does that make any sense? again I really appreciate all of the kind words and advice. I just want to make sure she only has positive, cheerful experiences moving forward.
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