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Pages: Newbie Here [1]
Author Topic: Newbie Here
huntress

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Posts: 3

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2011-02-08 18-11-04

Newbie Here Ok....first time here on this forum....very much into kink, now if I can just my wife to be into kink! Any of you girls have any advice?
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alfrey

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2011-02-09 12-27-15

quality porn & good books share these things, simultaneously even, and see if she is interested in any of it. Here's a link to a place with lots of good readings and book lists etc. There are surely many more places and a search of the forum will provide those. / But you can't necessarily "get her into it" if she's not of a mind. Has she ever indicated she is interested in any kinky things you have proposed? reason why (I think) reading is optimum is because it; 1) will assure her (and you) that what you are getting into is okay and not abnormal. 2) offers up variations beyond what the mainstream media and/or society would portray about BDSM. 3) be a slower approach to what you (presumably) want to make a permanent part of your lives. (I'm sure there's a 4 and a 5 and a 6... but the coffee hasn't kicked in yet ;) If she doesn't want to do things then it would be uncool to force her but give it a try and maybe move slowly with it. Good luck.
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Stephani

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2011-02-10 4-16-23-

Will Try Thanks....I've been trying for awhile to be honest....I'll bring something up every now and then and I mean every now and then....maybe a few months apart....I'm just not sure what else to do....there is no way in hell she would talk to another girl about any of it....part of the problem goes back to her mom, the woman is so uptight, the woman even burned some of my wife's books when she was younger!!! Couldnt belive it when she told me that....she's a good woman, I love her to death and will of course never ever leave her....the "vanilla" sex is really starting to get to me....hence seeing a provider from time to time is helping relieve that a little but I would perfer her being my little "whore" in the bedroom....
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boehler

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Posts: 19

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2011-02-10 18-02-41

sounds like you are warming her up slowly to the idea and not pushing her but you might want to amp it up a little with books. Even if only you read them it will still (most likely) enlighten you somewhat to things you may not have known about. I recently finished the book "Different Loving" and that might be a good starter (for her and you) because it's not too hardcore and explains a lot of facets of BDSM in a positive and honest light. You could read of these boks at night and share things with her that you find erotic and/or sensual and see her reaction. Maybe try new things on her and see if she likes them. I mean, maybe don't bust out with the flogger and throw her over a chair but you could do some more intense nipple play or something along those lines. Not knowing what you 2 do already I'm just shooting in the dark here.
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Yueping

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2011-02-10 18-49-38

Will Get the Book Not really into much right now....pretty much vanilla sex, she will take NO pain whatsoever and I mean NONE so I'm not sure how far if ever I'll be able to go down the BDSM road....to be honest, I'm not into that a whole lot, just more kink for me please! I mean, I cant even get her to talk dirty, masturbate for me, I have to coax into saying something along the lines of "fuck me now"....she's a very quiet cummer while I'm louder then hell when I cum....if I could just get her to jerk off in front of me, hell, that would be a start....again, the providers do anything and everything I ask but then again, there's a price for that!
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  • maury

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    Posts: 14

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    2011-02-11 11-20-32

    Getting her to open up to kink doesn't have to involve any pain whatsoever IMO. But then, I find the most erotic aspect of BDSM to be power exchange. [I also like a fair amount of pain - and, if administered correctly, a lot of pain - but PE is what gets me the hottest] But it sounds like you 2 have very different sexual appetites. If she's not into what you want her to do then I don't know how you're going to get what you want...forcing her and pushing it on her won't work. (I am not saying you're doing that or anything) Do you watch porn together? Do you strive to meet her needs and ask her what she wants out of the sex? Does she get off on seeing you get off? Maybe make a night (regularly even) devoted to trying thing new with each other and see where that goes... Question: does your wife know of these 'providers' that you visit? Is she cool with it?
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    fishbaugh

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    Posts: 18

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    2011-02-11 23-04-55

    Understood Oh, I know it doesnt have to involve pain, and like you said, the whole PE thing is a big part of it....and same here, a decent amount of pain at the right time will really get me going.... I hate to admit it and I've thought about this a lot in the recent past, you are right, our sexual appetites are very very different....I wake up in the morning horny and ready to go and usually have some type of sexual thought on my mind about everything I encounter during the day. I know forcing her will not work at all....have never tried that nor will I.... Watching porn together is actually out of the question as she will be damn near violent about it but yes, she really enjoys seeing me get off....as far as what she wants out of sex, that's the million dollor question Terr....according to her, each and every time we have sex it should be uberRomantic and that's great every now and then but usually I want some nice hot monkey sex.... We've been talking about making nights a week a night where we try something different for the both of us, granted, there aint much she could throw at me that would be that new, I lived pretty wild for a time before I met her....going to see how that goes....she's not into spontaneous anything sexually, something I'm of course trying to change! Does she know about the providers?!?!? What kind of silly question is that?!?!? Of course not...if she found out I really do think she would understand but I'm not going to let her find out....I dont use them all that often, about every months or so to just satisfy my "kink" cravings....
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    dextra

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    Posts: 18

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    2011-02-12 8-54-17-

    some more links for you. I'm going through some of the same thing. The only thing I can say right now is that she cannot read your mind, and don't pretend to read hers. If you aren't open and honest with what you want you'll never get it. Sometimes the hardest part is the opening dialogue. If she's really NOT into any of this then she MAY be OK with some of it just because she loves you and wants to make you happy. / and a whole host of good ones here (this is a page full of other links)
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