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Pages: Holiday chaos management suggestions [1]
Author Topic: Holiday chaos management suggestions

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2011-02-08 16-48-58

Holiday chaos management suggestions How to incorporate mentally ill family members into the holiday season? Every year this comes up because my GF's BFF is paranoid and my GF would like to include her in dinners and invitations, and feels sad that she usually refuses invites and is lonely. So GF spends part of the day at BFF's house, but usually the holiday makes the BFF extra crazy & by the time she gets back, GF is wrung out and exhausted, miserable because BFF can't or won't share our day, and stressed out from whatever mental shenanigans she has going on. This year I'm a little less open to inviting BFF than usual, since she got particularly weird a couple of months ago. So GF is torn in holiday loyalty. I know, I know, therapy.
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2011-02-09 10-02-51

Slip the BFF some meds. I kid! But am surprised the BFF doesn't have a medical regime for dealing with her paranoia.
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  • langford

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    2011-02-10 5-03-47-

    Perhaps you can plan something for just you and your gf for the evening, once the dust has settled? Maybe some candlelit alone time, draw a warm bath for her or something?
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    2011-02-10 5-34-16-

    Is this the that becomes violent? How do the ren feel about her being around? What does you gf say about your concerns?
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    2011-02-10 11-10-30

    Not toward me. things do get verbally heated & accusatory between her and my GF. The kidlets like her well enough, though they think she's a little odd. Adults don't really exist in their world. Gf says she's sad that everyone can't just get along, and wishes everyone could just sit down and celebrate together. Wishes BFF was happy and healthy.
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    2011-02-11 2-56-54-

    Just a suggestion talk with your girlfriend about what she is getting out of that relationship. It seems it from what you describe that it is dysfunctional. Maybe have a long talk why she feels it necessary to have such an unhealthy relationship with someone that doesn't care to manage her illness. I think doufou illistrates it well. Maybe this is something to bring up in couples therapy.
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  • chell

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    2011-02-11 11-25-28

    Cna you have some morning time togther first? Maybe you can enjoy anothe rin the morning before gf gets all worn out. Then, as fb suggested, pamper her when she returns to you. Good luck!
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    2011-02-11 23-05-05

    wow...sorry about the typos- multitask FAIL
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  • Zorana

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    2011-02-12 16-30-54

    Therapy for you or the GF won't make the BFF less crazy! The GF should pick another day to visit her. She could make a tradition of the day before or the day after the holiday to have tea and cake or shop or something. Too much going on on Turkey day isn't good for any Having an audience on the big day probably winds up the BFF, too. Less is more!
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  • heinl

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    2011-02-24 2-39-38-

    Not everyone who spends time alone is lonely >>my GF ... feels sad that she usually refuses invites and is lonely. Is loneliness an issue the BFF has expressed, or is it a fear your gf is having on her behalf? I experience a certain level of social anxiety and often happily choose hermitude, and honestly people fretting over my choices (because it isn't what they'd choose) can sometimes get irksome.
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  • aronow

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    2011-04-14 7-43-03-

    Good question. I think much of their relationship is my GF feeling guilty, like she has to make BFF happy. I will ask her this.
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    2011-09-05 1-48-07-

    Yeah, not her job Maybe that's partly why things get heated and accusatory :-o
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  • Eveline

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    2012-03-10 1-33-43-

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