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Pages: Newbie question: How did you get started? [1]
Author Topic: Newbie question: How did you get started?

Posts: 3

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2011-02-08 17-53-14

Newbie question: How did you get started? I have a strong interset but no real experiance in true BDSM/power exchange (slave/master.... ) but I am very interested in it. I have had others let me do this for short periods (maybe an hour or 2) but never anything longterm. My question is how did your relationships? Did your relationships begin with these roles already established or did they develope over time? Just to clearify I am a professional dom male with no idea how to enter this life style. Thank you for reading
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Posts: 4

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2011-02-09 4-05-40-

Tough to answer. I had a girlfriend who was a natural Domme, I fell in as a natural sub. It was a good fit as we discovered ourselves. We are no longer together. Now I am married to a very vanilla wife.
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Posts: 18

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2011-02-10 0-37-39-

So are you looking for a long term relationship in this style? I would suggest checking out to meet people in your area or other places, if you're interested in that. Fet can also hook you up with local munches in your area... Also, (I think it's ed) I think it's like a dating site for sub/Dom's.... Good luck in your search! Oh, and love the handle by the way... hehehe
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Posts: 19

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2011-02-10 6-03-04-

This is good advice It's difficult for a while, but the more people you meet the better. Also experiences are the best way to find who is right for you. There needs to be lots of trust.
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  • hinsch

    Posts: 30

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    2011-02-10 20-24-53

    So it is better to be upfront with my intentions? I have never been a fan of dating sites because so many people on the are fake....... Also I need the utmost privacy do to my profession. Has anyone on here had a "normal" relationship turn into a dom/sub relationship? If so how was it done?
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    2011-02-11 4-46-09-

    see my post below... and other than in the bedroom and the fact that we are in a so ed open relationshop... it is a "normal" relationship.
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    2011-02-11 17-38-02

    in collarme, you can be as upfront as you like, I would assume, because thats what its there for, you dont need to hit a vanilla site and hope that you find someone who likes what you do without being able to say it... Fet is very private, someone would have to become a member there in order to veiw your profile. And you can do like I did, just keep simple pictures, no nakie pics, just in case. We all have private lives and have to keep it sepreate from outsiders, I understand completely. Sorry, I have had no actually real relationship with a Dom, not enough to constitute as a real relationship...
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    Posts: 15

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    2011-02-12 10-05-27

    not sure how private it is... there are no privacy settings, so anyone with an account can view your profile, i would say it isn't very private at all, but as long as you know that going in you can gage how much you want to share. Not everyone has a double life so to speak, a great number of kinsters are very open about their lifestyle and proudly display face pics.
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    Posts: 4

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    2011-02-13 21-09-31

    So you tell all your personal business to everyone? I didnt mean that everyone hids their BDSM lifestyle, but that we all have our different sides to our lives we dont share... And thats what I mean. The person would have to have an account, so if was attacked for having an account in fet, the person finding them would have to explain themselves. Think about it....
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    2011-02-25 9-20-06-

    For the sake of arguement How did people find these relationships before the internet???
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  • keeffe

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    2011-03-17 4-39-30-

    I wouldnt know Im not that old. HA!! No, I am sure there were places to meet, it was just by chance and kept underground... Like certain bars or clubs. You just happened upon it, or it was kept a secret amongst friends. Kinda still like that in some areas today...
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    Posts: 28

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    2011-06-30 6-52-34-

    I wasn't speaking to my own level of discretion, many kinsters do share a great deal about their lives is what I was saying. Some folks live the lifestyle all the time and have no problem posting a lot of information on their profile. I understand that you do not, for sure, to each his own. i was pointing out though that there are all different levels of comfort-ability and "outness" in the lifestyle and this is apparent by browsing fetlife profiles. I don't get the being attacked comment but yeah sure, the other person would have to have created an anonymous account (very easily done and no need to enter iota or real information). I do not consider fetlife to have any privacy at all for a social networking site.
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  • dejoy

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    2011-11-27 5-46-46-

    I was not trying to offend you apixiegirl. I am just trying to figure things out. I was just wondering if there was a way to meet open peolpe in other ways or as you stated, slowly introduce it into a typical relationship.
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  • gaige

    Posts: 44

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    2012-08-08 2-58-06-

    you didn't offend me at all... we're conversing. I am just pointing out that fetlife (IMO) isn't private. It's as open as any of these sites get. Which is fine, I still choose to be there but i am concious that it lacks the privacy setings etc.
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    Posts: 51

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    2013-03-30 3-04-57-

    Well, right. I meant getting attacked as in, someone from his day to day life finding him and using that to ruin his life or something. I was worried about things like that myself till I had to realize that if I was to get found, whoever finds me would have to have a fet account, so they would have to own up to it themselves. Having realized that, I came out and posted my face pictures. Well, and the arm tattoo, everyone that knows me knows that is me anyways... I don't think I am so quite about it anymore, I have come out of my shell more since I began...
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  • thalman

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    2013-12-25 17-53-06

    what i am saying Is that say someone did want to expose you, they could do so very easily without having to identify themselves. Just because they have a fetlife account doesn’t mean they need to tell people what their profile name is or real life name. I think you have a notion of false security. Nothing stopping anyone from copying all your pics, “exposing” you and not themselves…. Do you see what I am saying?
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    Posts: 66

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    2014-03-11 20-07-47

    Oh, yeah... I did think of that as well... I think my reasoning became, though, that considering I work with parents of ren, there is no way these elementary students would find me without having an email account and a fet account. I found reasoning and thought whatever, if Im found, so be it, I will be who I am... I understand what you mean now...
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    Posts: 27

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    2014-05-03 19-55-08

    ya in your situation i can see why you would hesitate to post a face pic. a vengeful or naive person could bring it to your employer. life is full of risks, it's all about being aware of them.
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  • scarpa

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    2014-10-27 5-23-37-

    I couldnt care less anymore I am the PTA president. Not a job, its all volunteer. But fuck it, I keep it to my computer and home. If the board tried anything against me now, I have plenty of teachers names that I know what the board is keeping hidden so they wouldnt dare try to rid me, honestly... ;) Sounds mean, but its true.
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    Posts: 30

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    2015-09-15 12-23-59

    No worries.... we all make various decisions as to what we want public about ourselves. I like anonimity and privacy but at the same time, i always ask myself how i would feel if said act of mine were to become public knowledge... meh i can live nicely with myself so the rest of my world if need be, can live with it also. but we are all different in this arena and some of us work in proffesions that would be harder hit than others.
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  • markuson

    Posts: 41

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    2016-01-02 1-04-57-

    Very true Compared to most, I am a nobody. I completely understand the need though, as well as the freedom some must feel to be able to have their lives so open with most everyone around them. It's all good. :)
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