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Pages: Just Wanted to Hear Your Thoughts... [1]
Author Topic: Just Wanted to Hear Your Thoughts...
dejoy

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Posts: 1

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2011-02-08 15-01-53

Just Wanted to Hear Your Thoughts... My partner and I have recently decided to make our relationship open. I was wondering what your thoughts may be on this, and if anyone may have some advice on continuing this way. Thanks girls I really appreciate it :)
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hazelbaker

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2011-02-09 3-37-23-

I think it's a horrible idea. But then again, I don't know either of you and I'm an extremely possessive person, anyway.
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heavey

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2011-02-09 8-26-17-

I think it would be helpful to visit the Poly Fo for advice on this particular subject
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  • schiappa

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    2011-02-09 11-23-13

    Hmmmm....by open do you mean polyamorous? There are a few here on the fo who are and I think that they can give you some good advice. The thing that I think they would advocate is communication, communication, communication. Search the fo for "poly" and you will find some good commentary...in the meantime, check out this link.
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  • charmion

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    2011-02-10 6-38-59-

    not enough info to say way or another. Depends why you decided to do it, thoughts and/or circumstances which led to that decision, past experience, and what you think an "open relationship" means.
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  • averitt

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    2011-02-10 21-45-58

    my thoughts? oh god.
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  • roseline

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    2011-02-10 23-02-02

    Meet me in the Poly Forum. Would be happy to chat with you about this in a more appropriate venue.
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    lance

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    2011-02-11 14-09-52

    ah hahahayeah, you are the poster for how well those arrangements work & how to be mature & poly, both at the same time.
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    Carmelle

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    2011-02-11 23-24-36

    Oh, HELL no. Not here please.
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    meloni

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    2011-02-12 0-12-00-

    Not the poster , but... I do play on TV.
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  • wlodarski

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    2011-02-12 17-44-51

    thoughts... most people dont prefer open relationships, especially women (at least refering to the women i know and have come across) so opinions may not be to your liking here. Most here, seems to me, are non judgemental, and give a lot of information/resource sites. To each her own, i wouldnt care for an open relationship myself, well maybe when i was 20 something, but now prefer a on one, exclusive relationship. As long its mutual and both are honest and open and caring of each others feelings, more power to ya! :)
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    hassing

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    2011-02-27 0-54-45-

    If y'all are attached to the university or even if you aren't, there's a poly queer women's group that meets the last Friday of every month. It says it's open to lesbian, bisexual and transgendered women who are polyamorous or curious about women centered polyamory. Google: queer poly "ann arbor" for contact info. Having a group of actual people to discuss issues with in real time can be very, very valuable. And if you haven't yet read The Ethical Slut, this would be a good time to do so (it was written by women).
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    Marje

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    2011-03-07 4-27-42-

    Oops, and actually the place where that group meets isn't part of the unvesrity at all. Here ...
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  • obrien

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    2011-03-19 12-33-28

    It is hard to know with so little info. on why and knowing nothing about you or your partner - but the poly forum may be helpful. Ultimately, you have to forge something that works for you, though. I'm no expert, but I have studied this issue a bit. There's a book ed "The Ethical Slut" which s pretty good, also a book ed "The Lesbian Polyamory Reader," which I haven't read, but looks OK - and weblinks here.... Communication, it's true, is the key. It takes a lot of talk, trust and commitment, but I've known of lesbian poly relationships that work. A queer and poly friendly therapist might help. There may even be a poly group at your local queer center. Good luck!
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  • arencibia

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    2011-04-05 15-15-14

    I am fascinated by posts like these. It's as bizarre as some pafo posting a picture of a purse and asking for opinions. Who cares what random, faceless people think of the purse, or of your decision to open up your relationship. Since you asked though, I think that it sounds like you have made a decision without a lot of thought and research. It sounds like the kind of thing I would look into and ponder. It wouldn't work for me, but I say good luck to you.
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    aravind

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    2011-08-27 4-03-22-

    Thank you every .. I know this just isn't most women's style of dating, and I'm pretty new to it myself. But I do understand the comments fully. and since some of you don't know what I mean by open relationship I will inform you to our situation or understanding. We can both date other women but we can not bring them home. As far as sex goes I haven't the slightest clue on that since we do not bring that subject up very often (she won't speak about that at all) But I am thinking since I can stay out all night with another person, it leaves some leeway for sexual contact. But it's been over x years since I've been out on my own to find someone, that its extremely hard for me to jump right into anything new. I don't even know where to begin with it.. Hell my partner has even tried giving me tips to pick up on other women lol! (which the last person I attempted anything with, turned out to be a very androgynous gay man) I just don't know if I can do this, its been too long...
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  • casassa

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    2011-10-28 4-09-50-

    sounds like this was her idea and not yours
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  • whipple

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    2012-06-02 3-42-14-

    RE: sounds like this was her idea and not yours it was definatly her idea. i had questioned her about it a few times regaurding why and if she was interested in any she said that we may have jumped into this relationship a little to quickly and that I should try and test the waters. She also said that she couldn't see datin anyone else besides me. So i'm just really confused over the whole thing...
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    steinberg

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    2013-03-04 8-05-32-

    Mixed signals doesn't sound like a good way to start. Perhaps discussing what you both think an open relationship is, would be a better first start. No sense in bringing someone else into a mess, or causing them heartbreak because youwere not clear in your expectations.
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    polidoro

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    2013-12-21 23-59-05

    ok, so let's clear this up... you've been having a good relationship as far as you are concerned, but you've noticed that she is not quite happy. she expresses to you what would make her happy is to have an open relationship and you agree because you love her and want her to be happy. but you never would have come up with this idea on your own. are you excited about the opportunity to sleep with other women? is it sounding like this will be a turn for you to seek your happiness as well? if your answer is "not sure, but i'm sure it will be good for her" i think you've got some serious relationship evaluation to do. you're making decisions based on what you think she needs rather than what you need. in a relationship you need to be your biggest advocate because you're the onlywho knows what you need. same goes for her. but if you're both looking out for her, who's looking out for you?
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