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Pages: not much help in the m4m [1]
Author Topic: Not much help in the m4m

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2011-02-08 17-35-19

not much help in the forum. Can you help me? So a really good friend cut all ties shortly after entering into a police dept. All of our friends just thought he was taken in by the cop culture and didn't want to be friends. 8 years later he invites myself and another friend to a local watering hole, christmas night, drunk and tells us he is gay. I said, ok, great, I am still here, what the hell happened to you the last 8 years? He then goes on to tell me, no one supports him, like his family and is keeping it a secret from employers and such. He has a lot of anger. I told him he needed to be truthful with himself and start letting it out. Friends who don't support you are not friends. Bottom line is, he asked me to start breaking the news to all our old friends, which I feel fine with, but think it is a cop-out on him. What can I do to help my friend?
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2011-02-09 11-21-13

It's an odd interaction, surely and puts you in a strange position. But if you feel comfortable doing that for him, and it is what he is requesting and it doesn't cause any problems for you, then I would talk it over with him again and make sure that this is what he wants. Ask a specific question, like: do you want me to tell X and Y and Z? How soon do you want them to know? Sounds like he is afraid to do the telling himself, but he does want people to know. So if it's no skin off your nose and you want to help the guy, then might as well.
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    Posts: 5

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    2011-02-10 2-58-15-

    if he's asking for help, then help the guy its good to have friends that he feels safe with, while he's coming out. being a cop does make things more interesting and his life has changed all around. It can't be easy for him to adjust. i've been around cops all my life and it is a different lifestyle. they can't hang and do the same things as everyone else. they have to set an example. a leadership role. its the way he's been trained, and the way he has to think now. so him coming out should be celebrated and embraces and supported. peace!
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  • Erma

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    2011-02-10 16-36-17

    let me get this straight he asked you to out him to all his friends? sounds like he is too scared to do it himself. If he is too scared to do it himself, then how is it going to help if you do it for him? I gonna be honest, that sounds like a really bad idea. if he's going to come to terms with who he is and what that means, he needs to do this himself.
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  • Oralle

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    2011-02-10 19-28-11

    I would check in with him again when he's sober and make sure that's what he really wants. THEN you can decide if you want to go through with outing your closeted friend. It sounds like he has a lot of issues, and is maybe even a little conflicted about his own sexuality. Your support can really help. Not sure if outing him to all his friends will really help, so I'd tread cautiously there. Being gay is not some horrible secret, but you have no idea how these folks will react, and it seems a little dodgy that your friend isn't willing to wait till he's more secure enough to tell them himself. Whatever you decide, being a good friend is the most important thing. Sounds like you care for your buddy, so he's lucky to have you while he sorts it all out.
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